How do you solve a problem like bad maths?

In The Sound of Music, the mom dies seven years before Maria shows up, yet Gretl, the youngest, is five.

One of my sick-but-funny friends suggested the mom was actually alive but locked in the basement, in reference to other strange Austrian families with too many kids in the news lately. (You're allowed to laugh, I did.)

In other dark humor news, when Arnold was running for governor of California, I was living in Germany. My friends there warned we should be afraid of Austrians seeking power...